


Smashed Up What's Left of Me

by caffeinechesters



Series: Broken EP [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Body Horror, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, M/M, Past Rape/Non-con, Season/Series 13
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-17
Updated: 2018-05-17
Packaged: 2019-05-08 03:50:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14685846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caffeinechesters/pseuds/caffeinechesters
Summary: A vignette about after the homecoming in the camp.





	Smashed Up What's Left of Me

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from the Nine Inch Nails song "Gave Up".

He is in the camp with his tormentor. He let Lucifer loose on the ones he loves. They forgive him, making it seem like he had no choice. He did. He could have spend an eternity, forever after days, in the cage. He could have just let Lucifer get bored of bringing back from the nest of vampires. He spent centuries being used by Lucifer, whether it was rape or other creative endeavors of trying to destroy him. Instead he broke after Lucifer fucked him once.

In the camp, Lucifer wiggles his way into Jack’s protective circle. Tells him that his mom, Kelly Kline, took his virginity. “Lies, lies, lies, Jack! He fucked me until I prolapsed in the cage” he wants to scream at him. Instead, he follows Dean. Dean gives him a bucket of fresh water to use to clean the dried blood (and come, but that Dean doesn’t know) from his body. His body may be clean but no amount of water and harsh soap and scrubbing will make him feel clean again. The devil’s mark litter his body on a cellular level, maybe it’s in his DNA by now. Dean brings him a change of clothes borrow from one of the people in this universe. He thinks despite the apocalypse and Michael is happening to this universe, at least Lucifer is dead here.

He goes into the woods to gather kindling later. Lucifer blocks him on his way back. He feels like a possum when greeted with danger, stay still, play dead, and maybe the danger will go away. Lucifer beams at this, with him frozen in place arms full, and saunters over. His smile may say fun and friendly, but he knows that Lucifer’s version of fun is his entrails hanging from hooks and sampling his liver with his eyes sewn open and mouth sewn shut.

“You know Sam, Jack looks up to you as a father,” Lucifer rounds him, press his chest into his back to whisper in his ear. “Well, if only he knew that you were my bitch in every sense of the term, you are like his step-mother. Remember that time in the cage when I tried breeding you to see if maybe I could get us to pop out a kid?”

Lucifer moves away, taking stock of him and seeing the slight tremble just eggs Lucifer on. “Anyhow, he little rugrat is trusting me now Sam. I can’t have you destroying that. If you anything, I won’t hurt you, well not much, but what would Jack think of you if he knew that begged for me? Well, you begged me to stop, but hey, I run the narrative. How quickly do you think Jack’s love you would go knowing that the man who told him the narrative that I am the devil just so happened to be bunk buddies with him?”

He feels sick to his stomach. The little bit of coffee he drank this morning feels like acid, eating a hole in him. His hands feel like they are shaking and numb. He wants to run far, far away from this: this place, this life, this reality. His feet won’t move. His breathing is shallow and as much as he tries to regulate it like Dad taught him, he just hyperventilates more. Lucifer seems excited to see him having a panic attack. Lucifer brings a hand to the side of his face, running it down to his throat; he’s ecstatic and giddy when he closes his hand around his neck.

“C’mon Sammy, you know that you were made for me… Mine to play with, mine to destroy,” Lucifer tells him. “You were the only gift my father gave me. And I plan to cherish it. Imagine, you, me, and Jack playing house somewhere. Jack learns about how corrupt and depraved humanity is and while he’s out of the house, well, you would do your wifely duties of course. We could have it all, but I know you Sam. You won’t submit. You will try to turn my only son away from me. And since I know that you hate yourself the most, I have to be creative. Stay out of the way with Jack and maybe I won’t let him or big brother or even Mary about everything from the cage. Well, my version of it.”

Terrified, horrified, and panicky about how Jack and most likely his mom wouldn’t know any better and how Dean would do anything to beat Lucifer up to sacrificing himself for doing that to him. It’s his shame. It’s his sins. Nobody needs to bear it except for him. He feels resigned to it. Like back in the cave in that dirty makeshift bed he has no choice. He nods his head. The hand around his neck slides off.

“See, I know we could work this out! All it takes is a little communication, but remember that anything you say to make Jack distrust me, I’ll tell everyone what a good slut you are,” Lucifer says grinning.

Lucifer disappears, just the sounds of fluttering wings marking his leave. He is alone again. He looks down at his hands, still trembling, white gripped around the kindling. He tries to get his breathing and heart rate under control before coming back. Deep breath in. Slow exhale out. Repeat until heart rate and breathing is under control. He walks back to the camp in a haze, tired and worn. He drops the kindling off near the main bonfire where Dean is in conversation about hunting with this world’s Bobby. He spots Lucifer with Jack and sees Jack waving at him. He waves back as he heads to the cabin they’re staying it. He takes off his boot mechanically. Throws the jacket in the direction of the chair. He lays down on the bed and stares at the ceiling. He wonders if it could get any worse. He still wishes for death. He knows that Billie will throw him in the Empty. He questions if Lucifer could reach him there. Instead he thinks of Anna and how he yearns that she would have just spread his mind, body, and soul across the universe so that Lucifer could never have had him. He falls asleep and dreams of stars and comets and black holes.


End file.
